Tips On Moving On

One of the most important things I’ve learned, both this year and throughout my life, is how to move on.

Now, that’s a bold claim. I don’t know if any of us know how to move on, there isn’t one way and each situation is different and unique.

That said, I have accumulated some tips that aid in the process of moving on. Obviously, this won’t always apply to every single thing, but it might be a good jumping off point. I find that the tips I’m about to outline are useful for dealing with things like: rejection, mistakes, mid to minor life events, relationships/people, etc.

So with that said, let’s being!

-Perspective

We’ve all heard this saying. But really what time provides is distance from those intense feelings and perspective on the events that happened. So one way to gain that distance and perspective without the passage of time, since you can’t just sit and wait, is using the 10/10/10 method.

This method is actually used in decision making (I’m sure a lot of authors have talked about it but if you want to learn more I recommend reading Decisive by Chip Heath & Dan Heath). The concept is when making a decision, think of how you will feel about it in 10 minutes, 10 months and 10 years. In decision making this method helps to gain perspective on a tough decision, and in this case, it functions the same way.

For example, say you just got rejected by someone you liked or ended a relationship, you can use the 10/10/10 method to create distance and gain perspective on the situation. Think of how you will feel in 10 minutes (probably still just as sad or mad or upset or whatever you’re feeling now) and that’s okay. Know that this is your time to feel those emotions and that you will experience them. Then think how you will feel in 10 months (depending on how close you were with the person the levels will vary but ultimately it will hurt way less). That’s almost a year, so many things can change and it will definitely be easier than it is now. And lastly, think of how you will feel about it in 10 years (that’s a whole decade from now, by then you will have found someone else, moved on with your life) you won’t even be the same person anymore.

By thinking like this you can see the effect of time without having to experience it. Putting things into perspective will help you see the bigger picture and help you feel better about the events that have taken place knowing that someday they will not affect you as they do now.

-Keep Moving

Time can only truly heal if you move along with it. Having gained some perspective the next thing to do is to just keep on going. Time will do its thing, you just need to keep moving forward and it work. Whatever happened, happened, and now all you can do it look ahead.

So keep up with your normal life, and if you can, add to it! Add a hobby to look forward to, or a goal to work towards, anything small or big so you can still feel like you’re moving forward in life. And keep living and enjoying life, make plans with friends, take time to relax, just keep on moving.

For example, something that actually happened to me earlier this year. I got into a minor car accident and while I was okay my car was not. As a result, I lost my car that I had only gotten a few months prior. I was devastated. I had a horrible sinking feeling of both feeling like I messed up and also about losing my car. But that is not something I can change, so all I could do is keep on going. I made fun plans that I knew I could look forward to. One foot after another to keep on going and not think about it.

That said, just because I was trying not to think about it and distracting myself does not mean I was avoiding it. I had my moment to be upset and cry and feel bad but after a point it was not about expressing my emotions but rather unproductive thinking. So since it was not something I could change I just kept on going and let time do the rest.

-Know You’re Not Alone

I know that it is difficult to cast something from your mind. Because even though you might find some solace in knowing that in 10 months it will be fine and the future will be okay, the now isn’t. The now still has those horrible feelings and even though you’re moving forward they may still be there in the beginning.

So the best way to combat that is to embrace it. Know that you are not alone in what you are dealing with, that there are other people who have and successfully moved on. Talk to friends or family that have had similar experiences, or look at blogs and forums online that talk about it. Seeing that you are not alone and that this is something that can be overcome can help not only address those thoughts but also provide comfort.

For example, say you made a mistake, or you got fired, or a close friend turned on you, or even a heartbreak or car accident, or literally any other thing. Whatever it is, someone has also gone through it and finding those connections, not even to get advice, but just to know that they survived it and so will you.

It’s also helpful to listen to music, or watch shows or movies, read books that might deal with the thing or even funny tweets and posts that make light of it. I also recommend comedy specials since there is a diverse range of topics and can be relatable especially on topics like relationships and messing up in life.

Having that kind of comfort in not only having your own perspective, but also someone else’s can make the moving forward process easier.

Quick note on letting go:

Letting go goes hand in hand with moving on. We must let go of the things holding us back to move on. But that’s a whole other blog post and to be honest, I haven’t quite mastered that yet, so it’s a pending blog post. But even after you’ve let go, moving on can still be a tough process and these tips hopefully make it easier to do so.

So there you have it, some tips on how to move on from the things that life throws at you. No matter, what the thing is, just know that you will be okay and someday it will be better and always keep moving forward because life isn’t going to stop. Life will keep going and so will you and if you need proof that you will be okay, look at all the others who have gone through it and come out the other side.

I hope this has helped, in some way at least, in your journey to move on. I may not know the specifics of your situation and some battles are harder than others, but I have faith in your ability to over come it. And I hope that by reading this post you have faith in yourself and your own ability to overcome it as well!